I’m not settling.

I’ve spent the morning in bed, drinking chai and watching Moulin Rouge while working on a self portrait. Then I got inspired by my favorite scenes and made a poster. I’m going to frame it and hang in my new living room. Yellow and burgundy red is my favorite color combination right now. I’m totally obsessed with color. Normally I’m not crazy for yellow, but somehow without my knowing it creeped onto my list of favorites. Sneaky. Maybe thats why I never liked it before, can you really trust yellow?

I’ve been thinking a lot about the future and what I want to do and how I want my life to go. I’ve also been thinking about life, but thats a whole other story. Point is, sometimes when I have a dream I push it away thinking it’s not possible, that I won’t be able to accomplish it. I’ve been doing that when I think about my future career(s). When people ask me what I want to do when I graduate I say something like, “well what I want is this, but what I’ll probably be doing is this….” I’m settling before I even try. What I want is to free lance, to work from home, to work on a personal level, creating what I believe in. I don’t want to do corporate design, sit in an office and be constricted by strick deadlines and budgets. I want to someday have my own business, work for myself and design with passion. I want to travel, and have babies, cook and maybe grow a garden, I want to keep a house, and be free to take vacation, free to move, free to spend a day snuggled up with my future babies and husband just because I want to. I don’t want someone else to own my time. I want to make others happy by creating for them, I want to promote causes close to my heart thru my designs. I don’t want a job, I want to be and live, create and learn. Always be a student and pass on what I know to others. Along the way I want to pay my bills and make enough extra to go thrifting on the weekends, and to visit Europe someday.

Thats my dream anyways. And you know what? Life is too short to spend it wishing and feeling unfulfilled. What if I’m not rich? Oh. well. What if I can’t buy a big house? oh. well. What if people don’t take me seriously? oh. well.

Seriously. Oh. well.

xo.
Caitlin

p.s.
what if I tried to sell stuff like the poster I made above? would you buy it?

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2 Responses to I’m not settling.

  1. Kirsten says:

    I would pay many, many cash dollars to have one of those. It is epic and I love it. And I’m not just saying that because I’m related to you. 😉

    p.s. I have a birthday in about five months. 🙂

  2. Mom says:

    Just found this….I’d buy your posters. I have a birthday even before Kirsten…so there. How’s that???? I’m still waiting for the picture of the very old wrinkled lady in bed, curlers in her hair with bits of strands sticking out of the curler ends that peek through the edges of the night cap. A ruffly high neck, long sleeved flannel nightgown. All snuggled in with covers over her lap andwith her mountainous high stack of books and magazines around her. The title above the picture….”A lady never goes to bed alone”. I saw this in a bookstore here in Kokomo (that sadly to say…has gone out of business) and I’ve always wanted one like it to hang near my side of the bed. Just giving you an idea for a poster…….
    I’d even take two if you can somehow draw it on your computer and print out two of them. I know Mrs. Kennelly would enjoy having one as she and I share the same malady – we have sooo many books by our beds so we can read ourselves to sleep each night. Love, MOM

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