I avoid conflict. I run from arguments. In the choice of fight or flight, I’m already gone. It’s why I stay out of politics. Why I haven’t been to the dentist in so long. The reason I don’t think about global warming. I’m really good at ignoring things that feel out of my control. For a while now I’ve been wading around the edge of feminism. Splashing around, you know talking with friends, reading books, journaling, scouring the internet… and then I started getting mad. When I start feeling this intense, I take a step back, and ask if it’s worth my anger, worth the conflict. Usually I’m so frightened by the intensity of my feelings that I let go and ignore the situation. But not this time. Feminism is important, there is no way around the fact that it directly affects my daily life. So my head is now out of the sand. I’m ready to learn and grow, take a stand and fight back.
My whole life I’ve been trying to fight against the ridiculously girly side of me. For a while I stopped wearing dresses completely, partly because I’d been forced to wear them my whole life, and partly because all the things I knew about being feminine were negative. As a girl growing into womanhood all I knew was that women were put down, they were to obey men, we didn’t have as many choices, being a women meant any display of emotion made you weak. All I’d known was the glorification of men, and the powerlessness of women. So I turned my back on feminine things. Decided I hated anything girly. Cried for weeks when my artwork was called cute. To me being a women sucked.
But lately I’ve been realizing it doesn’t suck. Feminine things aren’t negative. My worth is not based on the way I look, or dress. I can be as girly or boyish as I feel. I’m not an object for my father to give away to another man. Bedazzling everything I own is just as acceptable as buying tools and fixing everything myself. There shouldn’t be such negativity surrounding femininity. And my desire for children someday shouldn’t determine my career path. I hope to someday have a marriage where we support each other equally in our career choices, care for our children together, and keep our house running smoothly. Defining ourselves individually and then coming together to support and encourage the others dreams. Where neither one of us is dominate over the other. I pray I never say something like “I was going to do ______ but got married instead.”
If I could do one thing, it would be to change the negative connotation around feminism. My mind is continually blown by how many women scoff at the idea, how they perpetuate the culture of shaming women. How when the topic of feminist comes up, they respond with “oh, you mean the ugly lesbians.” What?! No. I mean women and men who are against rape, who stand up for brilliant thinkers, who aren’t concerned with gender when considering who’s best suited for a job. Feminists, people against the objectification of anyone.
Anyways thats my rant for the day, my coming out as a feminist.