I’ve been realizing lately just how much I choose my own happiness. The last few weeks have been so good. Some of the best of my life. They have also been full of bad news, frustration and fear. Yesterday I spent the day being welcomed into my new family, it was a beautiful. But as Andrew and I were riding back home on the train I couldn’t quiet my mind, the juxtaposition of such happiness and the unrest in my mind was overwhelming. How could I relax into the comfort of snuggling with my guy and watching the Missouri country side pass by while I was worrying about people I love, looking with uncertainty into my future and contemplating money? It was in that moment that I had to choose my happiness, rest in the comfort of love. Draw strength from the beauty outside my window and be at peace.
I’m such a fixer, a pleaser, a doer. Sitting still and being calm are not things that come easily to me. And frankly, I love that about myself. However, when I really cannot do anything at all to fix the problems around me I need to learn to breathe, to hold on to the the joy and goodness in my life. To choose happiness. Because then when I can begin again to make a difference, to fix and become better I’ll be all the more ready for the rest I found in the quiet moments on a train, or in dancing barefoot in Forest Park.