I used to be better at being a grownup

DSC_0038 DSC_0051The past few days have been rough. Today was especially terrible, like have no car, walk to the bank, get bad news and blubber while trudging back home with the wind slapping my face. The kind of day when I dig though my purse for a lollipop just so I can force myself to stop crying (it’s nearly impossible to cry and suck on something at the same time). The kind of day when I fear another text message from another person telling me the same damn things, and so I just shut off my phone for a while.

I got in my newly fixed car and started bawling because I nearly gave myself whiplash from breaking so hard (when you get your breaks fixed you no longer have to slam your foot to the floor, somehow I failed to consider this), I’m not sure if I was crying because my neck hurt or because I was so glad I could stop having nightmares about crashing my car.

Also, our toilet seat broke yesterday, so I fell of the toilet while trying to relieve myself, it was fun.

I don’t understand how I am nearly twenty five and still dealing with this stuff. I guess grownup life isn’t exactly what I’ve dreamed it up to be. But lately I feel like I’m moving a little bit backwards. I used to have more coming in than going out, I used to have impeccable credit, I used to never call off work, I used to never be in the middle of fights, I used to have savings, and I never asked for help, I used to make my bed and hang up my wet towel… I used to be so much better at being an adult.

All I really want now is some chocolate ice cream, sprinkles, and maybe another lollipop.

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